I still can't believe that I've been a working woman for more than a year. It always feels like yesterday was my graduation day. Am I an adult now? I don't think so. Hanging out with my college friends, singing like crazy in the karaoke room, fangirling over those handsome actors from tv series are still being considered on my weekend to–do list. That thought that I am just a kid, I am just a kid....it's coming over and over again.
What is the meaning of Adult? Being mature, grown–up, fully grown–up. As many of us think, that what makes us 'look' as an adult is when we do every aspect in our life in a wise way, not a 'wasted' way. I can think wisely, I can speak wisely, I can act wisely, but I'm not certain that I can be truly a wise person. My mind is still unstable, sometimes. I don't know if this is only me but I often lost my mind, not in the literal meaning of course. It just feels like I have no idea what to do, how to settle this and that, how to get through it. I wonder if I had a mental disorder or whatever.
See? My mind is starting making nonsense.
When I was a kid, I looked at those adult people. How could they be so selfish and annoying? Yes, that's usually what children think about adult people. I hope I'm not that kind of adult. As I grew up, somehow that so–called maturity changed my way of thinking. I turned to be a bit more logical, more rational. I want to make everything as simple as I can. Don't take it too hard. Don't make it complicated. I may be, indeed, that type of person (fyi, I am a B–type). Why should you overuse your own brain for such silly and unimportant matters? Am I right?
People around me often question me about how calm I am as a human being. They think my life is only about having fun. They said I always look 'fine'. A friend told me "You've been single for years but you look so easy about it." OF COURSE. What is wrong with being single? I'm only 22 tho, I am young. (Now I'm entertaining myself)
How do I live my life? Simple. That is why sometimes it brings me bad effect on me. For example, when I was in college, when I had to do an assignment I had never tried to do it perfectly. I mean when it's done then it's done. There were some friends who work too hard on looking for another algorithm or theory just to make their assignment look perfect. I am not perfect and I am not a perfectionist. I'm afraid that I often break my boss or my partner's expectation.
Anyway, as for me, being adult is about build my own responsibility. Whatever happened to me was made by me. I'm the one who's in charge. I'm the one who's responsible. I shouldn't blame others. I can't give it all to my parents anymore. If I regret some things, that's the risk.
